Posted by: rachelanne229 | October 18, 2009

re-think that anger

it was a saturday nite around supper time.  my throat was dry and bleeding, screeching with pain.  i called up the ex for lack of anyone else to call, and asked for him to pick me up some AJ to soothe the scratching.  the answer was no.

now, at first i was infuriated.  after four years of loving him and sacrificing for our relationship, he said no?!  broken up or not, i would expect a little consideration.  if a stranger called me up, saying their throat was bleeding and they needed a glass of apple juice, i’d be out the door in a matter of minutes.

but then, reality caught up to my self-righteous ego.  one time, i reached into my wallet and handed a homeless guy in the middle of the street everything that wasn’t the $20.  one time, i went to a nursing home to help run a church service.  one time, i donated $15 to a friend’s brother with a chronic medical condition.  the thing is, these are all one-time occurrences.  once in a while i volunteer, once in a while i donate money to causes i deem worthy, once in a while i go out of my way to make someone’s day easier.  but the things i do aren’t life-changing.  they aren’t big.  i like to think i believe in community service and giving back, but when it comes down to it, it’s been 5 weeks since i’ve worked in a food pantry.  i’ve given about $15 to the local methodist church i’ve been going to the whole time i’ve been living here.  i’ve thought about doing more.  i’ve put the diaper ministry and food donations on my list.  somehow i just haven’t found the time.

i have so much more to give, and i should be embarrassed that i am not doing more to help those in need.  so when i feel let down by those who i trust, or used to trust, who have been important characters in my life, i have to remember, these people owe me nothing.  the world owes me nothing.  do i really deserve courtesies that i call “common” when i repeatedly turn a blind eye to those who have a fraction of the opportunities i’ve been given?

come on, rachel, wake up!  it’s about giving more than you get.  and actions, much moreso than these words.



  1. I would have gotten you apple juice. I might have even flown over directly from israel– or, at least I would have wanted to.

    I miss you.

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