Posted by: rachelanne229 | January 27, 2011

funk-y

like many other runners i know who are REALLY INTO RUNNING, i oftentimes define myself as a runner.  running is something i do almost every day of the week, every week of the year, and last year i hit my goal of 1000 miles since i joined dailymile in april.  i am really proud to be a runner; i have somehow been fortunate enough to fall into a hilarious and supportive group of other runners.  i only personally know 3 of my “friends” on DM, but i have over one hundred friends who post crazy-intense and strong workouts.  they improve in strength and pace, and are upbeat and motivated.  every. single. day.  or so it seems.  and i have so much respect for them because of this.  getting up early to run in the cold is hard.  so is running after a long day of work.  or when you have kids, or when you work 60 hours a week, or when you’re dealing with illness or injury or family problems.  yet everyone keeps getting out there and posting these awe-inspiring workouts.

and here i am, in a huge funk.  what’s wrong with me?  i’ve run fewer miles this month than any month since last spring.  i was sick for a couple weeks, and now, here i am all healthy and good to go, and i don’t want to lace up and go outside.  granted, the weather in boston has been less than stellar– it seems like we get a new blizzard every 3 days, and this week the temps were below zero, and i am so effin sick of shoveling out my car.  but i’m a northern mainer, and none of this is new.  maybe the days are so short that i’m getting a touch of SAD.  maybe i’m stressed out over my thesis and the ASLO conference and finding a job before my paychecks dry up in may.  my best friend is getting married and i want to be home with her to help her plan and prepare, and i can’t be there right now.  maybe it’s PMS!  nah, it’s not PMS.  i disdain whiny-ness, but this week i have been really trying to get to the bottom of this running-related funk. what could possibly be throwing me for such a loop?

what makes my passion for running ebb and flow?  i’d sure like to find out so i can prevent it.

after all, when i define myself as a runner, what happens to my feeling of self-worth when i don’t even want to run?  there’s got to be something wrong with me.  i know it sounds melodramatic, but i always get worried when i lose my running mojo.  when will it come back?  will i still want to attain the goals i’ve set?  how can i encourage other runners when i have to fight myself to get outside every morning?

it’s times like these i have to remind myself that i’m a lot of things besides a runner.  student, hiker, teacher, scuba diver, writer, scientist, granddaughter, wannabe cook, sons of anarchy fan, lover of country music, girlfriend, best friend, skier, believer.  running is something that i do, but it doesn’t define me.  but if i’m not a lesser version of myself on the days i don’t run, how can i be a better version of myself on the days i do run?  i feel like i’m better after i run, but maybe i’m just more content.  and when i don’t choose to run, i can be content with that choice, too. or at least, i will try to give myself permission to be content.

even so, i want my running spark back!  i’m gonna keep getting out there and putting my miles in, with the faith that the spark will be blazing before too long.  as long as i am persistent and keep a snappy attitude, it’s just a matter of time before i’m ready.

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Responses

  1. Rach,
    First, I want to say I APPLAUD your honesty in this. Second, I am not an experienced distance runner (as I have only been doing it since April), but I will say I think everything you touched upon was a hundred percent right. I do the same as you when I have a day I choose not to run, suddenly I questions EVERYTHING about my existence….as a Man, Husband, and Father.

    I may not have any answers, but I do want to say that you are loved and appreciated by your DM Fam. I say, take the time you need to recharge. DO other things. From what I have seen of you, your running mojo will be back.

    And before you beat yourself up, remember something…Running is the ONLY year round sport…every athlete gets an off season. We don’t, so our batteries get stretched pretty thing anyway. 🙂

    Much Love, and God Bless 🙂
    -Corey

  2. I once lost my mojo too. For an entire week. Found it on a Saturday in front of a liquor store I park at for group runs. Apparently it didn’t get in the car when I went home the previous Saturday.

    But the mojo is like love. Some days its stronger than others. some days it overflows, other days it barely a trickle. But if the love is true you still feel it and fight for it.

    After being physically sick you need time for mental healing. It will come.

  3. We have all been there. I know after I trained all year for the Half as soon as it was done I found myself in a horrible funk.

    I will say one recommendation I have is take some time to run just for fun. No garmin, No Plan for distance, or Pace, Just Run… A lot of times we get caught up in all the other stuff that comes with trying to improve our running and forget to just go out and run. Maybe that would help you find your spark again.

    If that doesn’t work I may just drive out here and go for a run with you, as long as you willing to slow down so I can keep up with you. =)

  4. Hi Rachel, something I learned in Alaska, that I wish I had known while living in the lower 48, is the power of a Vitamin D supplement in Winter. It has done WONDERS for me and I run more now that I did in the summer. I take about 2,000-5,000 a day.. you may not need quite that much down there, but I would recc’ 1,000 at least. It really helps with the winter funk or ‘SAD.’ 🙂 Awesome blog!


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